Jokes
You can laugh with us on everything, especially the lawyers ;-)
Richard Heene, the perpetrator of that balloon boy hoax plead guilty in a Colorado court the other day to influencing a public servant. Sentencing is next month and this caper could see him serving some jail time. Don’t ask me why he was charged with an oddball crime like that. In Canada I suppose we would have called it public mischief and some Provincial Court Judge would have let him off with a conditional discharge and a warning that next time his balloon escapes, his son had better be in it. In the interim Heene has achieved his goal,
The following story is for mature audiences only. Caution strongly advised. This was not a good week for cannibals and clowns. Three homeless men were arrested in a Russian town called Perm, located about 1150 kilometres from Moscow. They apparently murdered a man, ate some of him and then sold the leftovers to a kebab and pie restaurant. My question: how easy was it to sell the apparent meat products to the eatery? It’s not as if these homeless guys wore white coats and pulled up to the loading dock in a Maple Leaf truck. After hearing this story, words like
This was not Robert Fidler’s lucky week. Robert Fidler of Redhill, Surrey, England decided to build himself a castle, without obtaining a building permit. He built the castle together with ramparts and canons keeping it covered with bails of straw and tarpaulins to avoid detection. Somehow, he got caught and the other day Justice Forbes of the High Court in London told Fidler to demolish his castle. I am shocked by the ruling. After all, I always thought that it was a cornerstone of British law that a man’s home is his castle. What right does a court have to
I for one have bought Tiger Woods’ explanation that his wife Elin smashed his vehicle with a golf club to rescue him after he crashed into a fire hydrant. Here is what I believe happened: Elin no doubt ran out after hearing the bang. Seeing that the car’s doors were locked and her husband was slumped behind the wheel, she went back inside and came out with Tiger’s golf clubs. By chance a caddy passed by and she asked him which club to use to free her husband. The caddy suggested using the car key. Elin commented that this would not
Warren Strickland of Fairbanks, Alaska may not be doing business at Taco Bell again for at least a year. He got into an argument with the manager of a local outlet claiming that the double decker taco contained spit. When his oratorial skills were not carrying the day for Warren, he threw the taco at the manager’s face. This resulted in charges of disorderly conduct and a rule of 1 conviction and sentencing, namely one day in jail, one year of probation and $100 fine. I wonder how the judge arrived at this sentence, especially the jail part. Will it
The Vatican has recently opened up some of its archives. One of the revelations was a claim by Michelangelo for some painting services for which the Pope stiffed him. The Vatican has not told us the whole story but with further digging I have discovered that Michelangelo actually registered a construction lien against the lands and premises of the Vatican as security for payment. It seems he allegedly told Pope Julius II that he would have the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel painted in 7 days. After 5 years His Holiness said enough is enough. He ejected Michelangelo from the
Looks like Richard Heene, the Colorado balloon boy hoaxer, will be spending Xmas behind bars. He just got hit with 90 days in jail and 4 years probation. I have an idea how he can escape.He gets his family or friends to land his balloon in the prison yard. If the guards notice the dirigible landing and Heene making his way to it, he can just announce that he is about to go up in his hot air balloon. It should be a breeze as naturally none of the guards will believe him. The only problem is he will have
John Ditullio is a member of the American Nazi party. He is on trial in Florida for murdering a gay youth. He has tattoos on his neck and face, including barbed wire, a swastika and an F word phrase or two. His lawyer argued that these tattoos might prejudice the jury’s perception of his client and he convinced the judge to order the government to spend $125/day on a make up artist to cover up those tattoos.I think the judge should have gone further and ordered the accused white supremacist to really come across looking good for the jury. His
David Chen is the owner of a produce market called Lucky Moose Market, in Toronto’s downtown Chinatown. One Anthony Bennett, who has been habitually stealing from merchants in the area, paid the Lucky Moose a visit and made off with a tray of flowers. When Bennett returned an hour or so later for a second round of thievery, the owner and two employees apprehended him, tied him up and then called police. Instead of getting a citizen’s medal, Chen was charged with kidnapping, assault and carrying a concealed weapon, to wit, a box cutter. All of this happened a few
Richard Heene may be in big trouble. Authorities are on his case after the Colorado man, in order to gain some media attention, supposedly concocted that story about his six year old son Falcon being lifted off in a helium balloon. I believe police should pursue the matter in order to act as general deterrence to others who have similar ideas. After all, there are just too much of these bogus balloons taking off with kids reports taking place that the police cannot get their other work done. In fact, a typical shift for 911 receptionists sounds like this: